Our profiles are posted again on the adoption agency's websites. When our profiles originally went live, I remember a sense of anticipation, of imminent success, and the excitement that came with taking such a big step. Today, seeing them posted again makes me feel tired and worn out.
It feels like we're back to Square One.
When we first decided to adopt, we spent lots of time answering questions, explaining the process to friends and family. Now, we're explaining what happened and where we go from here. Returning from the gym this morning, I was standing outside and our neighbor across the street stepped outside and called over, "Hi Chris! You guys must be getting so excited!"
I expect that this will continue to happen as we see friends and colleagues over the coming weeks who might not have heard the news. They ask because they care and they're excited for us and I have to answer them because they're grieving a bit for us now, too. We are part of a wonderful community that was there for us when we made the decision to adopt and is going to be there for us when we finally do become parents.
I suppose the answers and explanations will get easier with time but right now, they just bring the reality back, front and center for me along with the realization that our profiles are now live again and we're back to waiting for someone to choose us.
Back to Square One.